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Flame or Fling?

July 19, 2018

"Baby, baby please! We were meant to be. You were made for me!." 


Fellas, how many times have you used these words?

Ladies, how many times have you been on the receiving end of these words - or perhaps you've even said them yourself to someone. Let's not front. 

But what if you two were actually meant to be together? Like, for real!

Like on a cosmic & spiritual level. 




According to some of us (and by 'us' I mean me as well), that is a very real possibility. 

We believe in such things as soulmates, twin flames, karmic relationships, kindred spirits, and the list goes on. 

Tonight I want to chat a bit about Soulmates and Twin Flames and how to differentiate between the two in MY opinion. 



We've all heard the term "soulmates" but what are they exactly? 


Soulmates, contrary to popular belief, are not once-in-a-lifetime. Sometimes your soulmate is not even someone you are in a romantic relationship with. Soulmates come and go and can be anyone; your sibling, your best friend, your cousin, the barista in Starbucks...it is someone you have a significant connection with. Soulmates can be great, the relationship you have with them can be harmonious, sweet, fun, and all of those great things they sing about in songs but most times it is tumultuous. Soulmates pop into your life here and there to shake things up a bit, to wake you up. To help you get on track or BACK on track. They will be that gentle (or rough) nudge you need to get your s*** together. They will show you your areas of weakness and illuminate the parts of yourself that need tweaking. Soulmates are sent to help you along your journey, they are sent to help you deal with life and even help get you together for your twin flame. Soulmates normally come to teach you a lesson and once that lesson has been taught and/or hopefully learned, separation tends to happen. Soulmates can settle down happily and be together forever perfectly fine but just as often, they separate once their work together is done.


Some people marry, have kids with and live harmoniously for many many years with their soulmate and then meet their twin flame and their entire life is shaken to its core and many times, destroyed. Many soulmate relationships are not meant to last a lifetime. We attract soulmates at certain times in our lives when we need to learn a specific lesson.

Twin Flames, on the other hand, are said to be two parts of one.

Twin Flames, in the beginning, were originally one soul that was split into two. These two souls go on to live their own lives individually, running through many soulmates in preparation for the day they meet their twin flame again. I say again because, remember, twin flames were originally one. It is said that most souls will go many lifetimes without reuniting with their twin flame. If you are lucky enough to meet your twin flame in this lifetime, be prepared. It will be the greatest love you've ever experienced but it can also be the most painful things you've ever experienced. Often times you might meet when one of you is already in a relationship, just not ready for the journey or when one is more spiritually evolved than the other. There is no way to describe how you enter each other's life, but when you do, you do. It can be a very strange situation at first. It can leave you feeling unsettled and thrown off because it is a different connection than any other connections you have ever had. 

There is the “I get you." feeling. There is a flow and a rhythm that seems to be guided by something much higher. Everything simply just makes sense with them. You step back to catch your breath because deep down you know this is special. This is different. This is genuine. You will definitely feel a difference within yourself when you meet your twin flame, the vibrations, magnetic pull and energy you feel will be incomparable to any other. 

Now imagine having all of these wonderful feelings but one or both of you are already in a relationship with someone or a soulmate. It happens more often than not. 

Often times twin flames can feel one another long before actually meeting in the flesh. You may even have dreams of your twin flame without knowing what they look like but when you meet them, you know it's them. It feels like coming home in a sense.

Unlike soulmate pairings which are perfect matches, twin flames are perfect mirrors. 

Your twin flame will draw the most out of you - the good, the bad and the ugly. They will pull out your best and they will pull out your worst. 


Your twin flame will show you what you need to heal within yourself. They will help you the most because they are your exact reflection but they may also cause the most pain because they will force you to see those parts of you that you have tried so hard to hide.

Your twin flame is there to show you who you are. They are your balance. 

The yin to your yang. 

Is there someone in your life that you continually go back and forth with? You're together, then you're not, then years go by and somehow you end up back together but no matter how much space or how much time between you, you've never stopped thinking about them? 

Do you have someone that you are madly in love with but you find yourself running from them? Running from a relationship with them? 

Perhaps when you met this person, you instantly clicked. You felt like you knew them for a long time or in another life.

Perhaps you spotted them across the room and for some reason, you just had to get closer. Not because she had a nice body or because he had a nice smile, but there was something inexplicable that drew you to them and once you got to them, it was as if it was meant to be.

That may very well be your Twin Flame. Twin flames cannot be friends, the soul pull is entirely too strong. If you two cannot be together in this lifetime, you will be together in another. 


There are said to be 6 to 8 steps in the twin flame union. These steps vary slightly from source to source. I urge you to spend some time researching and choose the variation you like the most. 

I'll list them briefly here for you:


Stage 1: Recognition and Awakening / The Myth of "The One' Becomes Real

(some may list Stage 1 as the "Longing for The One" Stage. Where you begin to feel in your heart and soul that there has to be more and you begin to subconsciously prepare for your meeting.)

  • This stage is simply the “AH-HA!” moment of realizing the twin flame experience even exists. Both Twins recognize one another at the soul level and feel as if they have met before. Synchronous events surround the union. There are a lot of little things that happen that seem like the strangest coincidences. For example: You weren't going to go out that night but at the very last minute you decided to & run into someone that you can't get out of your head. Twin flames enter our lives at the precise moment that we require to learn something incredible about ourselves. Many times, a twin flame comes into your life when you are in another committed relationship. You may be married, engaged, or dealing with the loss of your mate. This person shows up with incredible wisdom that you need to hear in order to move on. And, it is then that you also realize that if this person had come into your life earlier, you would have taken the experience for granted or perhaps they did come into your life earlier and you did take them for granted but now, as it goes with twin flames, they are back again.

Stage 2: Testing

  • You fall in love and new definitions of the relationship are presented and limits are pushed.One or both Twins may attempt to fit the relationship into the “old model” of Love, couple-hood and relationship as it relates to their ego desires and learned belief system. Inner conflict arises. Twins ruminate on what they were taught to believe their beloved “should be” and how relationships are supposed to serve them.

Stage 3: The Crisis

  • The crisis stage is an uncomfortable one. In this stage, fear takes precedence and is very seldom worked through which may lead to the first breakup of the Twins. 

Stage 4: The Runner Dynamic 

  • One or both of the Twins wants to run away and most likely will. The depth and dimension of this love affair is sometimes too much for someone to handle. You recognize parts of yourself that you aren’t willing to look at. In those moments, you start to put on your running shoes. As tensions mount it is common for one partner (or sometimes both) to emotionally or physically withdraw and “run” away, and another to pursue in a game of cat and mouse. Sometimes this involves emotional shut down and silent treatments. Other times this involves physical separation. Sometimes one partner leaves for many years and then returns, only to repeat the cycle once again. The roles are interchangeable with the runner eventually becoming the chaser and vise versa.

Stage 5: The Surrender

  • The Twins begin to relinquish control. This stage serves as a moment of respite for many twins, and the first that has been experienced in a while. Surrender does not mean to “give up”, but to let go in exchange for positive results. The effects of this stage can last a lifetime, so pay attention: If you are in this stage, let your fears and judgement go. Both twins must accept that what is destined will be no matter what. The "runner" from stage 4 is given the freedom and space they need to work through their own stuff, and the Universe works on behalf of both parties. The purpose of this stage is to allow you to release that human ego, and embrace the potential of the divine and the destined.

Stage 6: Self-realization & Illumination 

  • Ego begins to die. In this stage, each of the twin flames experience an awakening even more powerful than their first meeting. Once you set ego aside, you feel the love and fear dissolves. The only purpose of this stage is to get that flow of love moving again, for both twins, to set the stage for the final and most beautiful stage of them all.

Stage 7: The Reunion/Harmonizing 

By this stage both Twins have awakened.  They come together in the physical to assimilate their newly evolved energies, flowing into the new dynamic of their Unified Potential.  Balance is restored and both twins have successfully accomplished all of their karmic tasks and lessons, and both are awakened to the infinite possibilities of this incredible love. A physical coming together occurs and this new energy unifies both to merge yin and yang to create a third unified soul body. The sole purpose of this stage is to reunite the twins. There is no more work to be done, just the work of life and love from this plane to the next.


Here are a few signs that may indicate you are dealing with your twin flame:







 I love the way Ralph puts it in this video: 







"…and when one of them meets the other half, the actual half of himself, whether he be a lover of youth or a lover of another sort, the pair are lost in an amazement of love and friendship and intimacy and one will not be out of the other’s sight, as I may say, even for a moment…”

– Plato



What do you think? Do you believe in love on a cosmic level? Have you already met your Twin Flame? 

Leave a comment, I'd love to hear your thoughts. 






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